Things have changed a lot around here over the last few weeks, that as resulted in myself looking inwardly and embracing how I feel and why I feel that way.
Hubby got the all clear to go back to work after 5 months of being off work waiting and then recovering from open heart surgery. As soon as he got the all clear, hubby throw him self back into work, resulting in him not being here with the family all the time and us only seeing him a couple of hours a week. Nothing new there as that was what life was like before he had the the heart operation but something in side had changed in me over the last 5 months having him home all the time. So when he returned I felt lonely for the first time in my life for years, I felt like my right arm had been cut off, I did not know what to do with my self and just wanted to curl up under the covers and never come out again.
This was not the Emma I had have learnt to live with and love, this was not my former bubbly self, taking what ever life throws at me in a relaxed, oh well it will sort its self out attitude or the mother my children love so dearly. In fact my oldest daughter turned around to me and said “I don’t like this mommy, I want my old mommy back!”
I new at that point I had to enjoy and embrace the silence, to give my mind and body the time to grieve the fact that life was changing again.
- Instead of getting up at 5 am signing into the Mommy Emu office and answering emails before the children got up, I went back to my old routine (before hubby was signed off work) and enjoyed a cup of coffee wrapped in a blanket in the garden listening to the morning chorus of our local birds and wood pecker at 6 am. Meditating and embracing the silence and being at peace mentally.
- I cleared my diary for the week (I mean cleared my diary) so I could listen to my body and when it needed sleep I curled up to rest, I read books that I have been meaning to read for months, spent time sewing and kitting all the things I have been meaning to make for a while, went for long walks across the beach, I pottered in the garden weeding and planting vegetables for our kitchen table and sat for hours in silence watching the rain beat against the window pain.
- I fed my body what it needed and wanted to recover from 5 months of not a lot of rest. These were / are anything from raw vegetables, fresh fish and lots of fruit. So my body could gain strength again.
- I picked up my art journal and put pen to paper of all my thoughts (good and stormy), dreams and desires. Relaxing my mind as I dumped everything on paper.
- I turned off my emails and social media, only checking in for half an hour in the evenings when the children went to bed before going back into the land of silence to heal my warn out mind and body.
By embracing this silence we like to fill with nose I found my self again, the Emma that is not stressed and rushing from one thing to another, the Emma that takes each problem on the chin and knows what will be will be, the Emma who dances and sings through the fields rather than dragging a tired body and a Emma that is self happy, relaxed from my center core. From spending time meditating in the silence I came to understand and learn that I love my hubby more than I could ever possibly of dreamed of loving him, I am grateful he excepts and embraces my hippy ways even if he thinks a lot of them are barmy, that with out the love we have for each other our family would not be the family we are today and although our hands where forced for hubby to be at home for 5 months, it brought our little family even closer together so we could experience new things, create new dreams and be at one in silence.
There is something so special and spiritual about spending time in silence that I recommend everyone doing it. I have come to learn from the silence, that the way I was feeling was my mind and body grieving / worn completely out from the stress of hubbies heart condition and his long journey we traveled as a family for him to return to full health.
Life has dealt us a new chapter in our life, a new chapter to embrace and learn from, a new chapter to explore, experience new dreams and fill our lives with new people.
Here is to our new chapter and learning from the silence our body, mind and spiritual needs.